It may seem counterintuitive, but if you want your kids to eat healthier, your goal is not actually to get them to eat vegetables today. Teaching kids to eat and enjoy healthy foods is a process that can take years, and while I sometimes find that idea a little overwhelming, it’s also a relief.
For one thing, it means if my four-year-old son only consumes a few little bits of broccoli in his soup, but leaves the big chunks of it sitting in the bottom of his bowl, I haven’t failed. I’ve actually made a step forward because I’ve gotten him to taste it, and the more times he tastes it, the more likely he is to eventually enjoy it (or at least get used to eating it–let’s face it, we all have some healthy foods we aren’t wild about).
Taking the long view takes the pressure off of me (and my kids), and allows me to focus on forming long-term habits instead of fretting about whether my children eat what I serve today. I find it helps to keep perspective, continue offering healthy choices, be positive, and invite but not pressure kids to eat good food.
Keep Perspective
If your child only wants to eat two or three foods every single day, remind yourself (often!) that this is a phase. If they are getting adequate nourishment, they will survive, like billions of picky kids have before them. What’s more, they’ll eventually grow out of this phase (with your help).
All of my kids have gone through similar stages when it comes to their willingness to dry different foods:
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The Baby Stage – They’ll eat virtually anything that’s soft and mushy. Except peas. None of my kids liked pureed peas, and I can’t blame them.
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The Inquisitive Stage – Each of my toddlers went through a glorious period when they were willing to try just about anything–shepherd’s pie, green smoothies, great-grandma’s dry cat food (ask me about that one sometime).
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The Crackers and Cereal Stage – Around age 3, my kids lost all sense of adventure and wanted to subsist on carbs, dairy, and a multivitamin.
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Glasnost* (Russian for “openness”) – After months or even years of recoiling from any food that wasn’t brown or white, they finally start to eat colorful veggies and unfamiliar foods without complaining (most of the time).
It’s frustrating when your child only wants to eat a small (and ever-shrinking) number of things. I’ve been there, and I know how aggravating it can be at the time, but I also know it won’t last. Remember, you’re the tortoise not the hare in this race. Keep going slow and steady, and you’ll eventually win the prize.
Continue Offering Variety
I firmly believe that one reason my older kids have (mostly) grown out of being picky is that I kept serving a variety of foods at the dinner table, even when they wouldn’t eat most of them. For one thing, I like vegetables, and I’m not going to stop serving them to my husband and me just because my kids are in a picky stage. For another thing, I kind of have recipe ADHD–I can only make familiar recipes a few times in a row before I get bored and want to try something new.
The result is that my kids occasionally saw familiar dishes they liked on our table, but they also saw a lot of vegetables and variety, and they saw their parents eat those things. In other words, they learned that foods like tomatoes and bell peppers were normal, and it was normal to eat them. If a bit of celery shows up in your chicken noodle soup enough times, you learn that it’s not the end of the world.
Variety also increased the chances the my kids would eventually give something a try. If they didn’t want to taste a cucumber in the stir fry one night, maybe they’d try it in a yogurt dip a few days later. The more times a child sees an ingredient on the table, the more familiar it becomes, and the better the chances that some gateway ingredient will convince them to sample it.
No Pressure
Think of a food you don’t like very much (we all have at least one). Now imagine there is a big plate of it in front of you, and someone you love and respect is pressuring you to eat the whole thing. Maybe they’re saying how good it is for you, or how much they like it, or how sad it would be to waste it. Maybe they offer you a cookie if you just eat a few bites. How do you feel about the food, and the person (and even the cookie)? Now imagine this happens every night at dinner time. How do you feel about dinner?
I know it’s hard not to pressure, bargain, or bribe a child to do something you know is good for them. Sometimes I fall into that trap too, especially when I’m absolutely SURE they’ll love something if they just try a bite. The trouble with pressure is that we may win the battle but lose the war. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, the goal isn’t to get a child to eat vegetables today; the goal is to help them develop a healthy relationship with food, and today that may mean not turning mealtime into a battle. It may also mean that the peas on your kid’s plate go untouched (at least this time).
I’m not suggesting that young kids should get to eat whatever they want, whenever they want. I’m saying that as parents we should offer healthy choices at mealtime, and let our kids decide how much (if any) they eat of each thing.
At my table, that means that if I serve a dish that is new or that I think some of my kids may not be keen on, I serve them each a small amount which I encourage them to taste (sometimes they ask for seconds, sometimes they don’t), and I make sure there are one or two other things on the table that are nourishing and I know they like (such as carrots and fruit). That way no one leaves the table hungry, and no one is stuck with a single option they dislike.
Positive Talk
I’ve never been to France, but lately I’ve picked up a very French habit. The French often invite their kids to try new foods, and if the child doesn’t like it, they say, “Well, maybe you’ll like it after a few more tries,” or, “I’m sure you’ll like it better when you’re older.” They assume that everything is an acquired taste, and anyone can acquire it. French parents gently teach their kids to be optimistic about learning to like new foods, and to associate that process with maturity.
Research indicates that it can take 10-12 tries before a child gets used to eating a new food. When my kids try something and say they don’t like it, I cheerfully reply, “Well, I’m glad you tried it. Maybe you’ll like it when you get a little older.” It encourages them to keep an open mind about new foods, and it reminds me that this isn’t the end of the story for my child and this food; it’s just the beginning.
You Can Do This!
Most kids enter a picky phase when they are toddlers. Emerging from that phase is a process, not an event, and all of my kids are still somewhere in that process. Just like children learn math a bit at a time in school, starting with basic addition and ultimately progressing to algebra and beyond, your children will learn from you how to try and eventually enjoy a wide variety of foods. Some lessons will go over better than others, but if you keep gently teaching through the years, they’ll get it. I promise.
Want more ideas to get kids eating healthier? Check out the rest of the posts in this Adventurous Eater series:
7 Ways to Get Kids Eating Healthier (the intro to this series)
